During a busy week, couples often talk about plans and errands and not much else. A short weekly check-in sets aside time for the things that matter to each of you.
Here’s a version that takes ten minutes. Change anything you like.
Before you start.
Pick a slot you can repeat: Sunday after dinner, Friday with a cup of tea. Put phones face down. Set a timer for ten minutes. A fixed end time can make it easier to start.
Minutes 0 to 2: one good thing each.
Name one thing from the week you liked. Something they did, or something that just happened. Small is fine: “You made the lunches when I was running late.”
Minutes 2 to 6: one thing you need.
Each of you says one thing you’d like more of or less of next week, in a single sentence that starts with “I’d love”. The other person repeats it back in their own words and says “got it”. Don’t try to solve anything yet.
Minutes 6 to 8: look at the week ahead.
Go through who is working late, who is away and which evening is free. Put the free evening in the calendar.
Minutes 8 to 10: finish on something kind.
Say one thing you appreciate about the other person. Then stop, even if there’s more to say. Bigger topics can have their own time.
Things that help.
Keep it short enough that you’ll want to do it again next week. If something large comes up, write it down and book another time. If you miss a week, pick it up the week after and carry on. If it starts to feel formal, change the format: take the same ten minutes on a walk, or swap the questions for ones that suit you both.
This is a general suggestion for everyday life together. If you’re finding it hard to talk, a couples counsellor can help.